No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize