Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
