my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
