I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
