I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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