She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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