I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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