im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
