if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize