How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
tell me about the fingering
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