We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
