oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
