dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
