He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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