It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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