So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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