I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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