that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
