you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
