This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
