you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
