You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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