Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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