i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
