I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
