can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
two words: eviction party
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize