I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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