Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My vagina is very pro this idea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
