I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
