oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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