where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
