Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
