I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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