im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
