i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
