apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Randomize
