The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
