Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
