I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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