How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
