I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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