So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
