I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
