Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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