i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
