Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
