hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
