9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
