i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The uberlube is also flammable
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
