Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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