I love black thongs
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh god it's open bar.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
