..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
