I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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