her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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