I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize