so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
