You're earring is so big in my mouth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
