Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize