I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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