while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
