speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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