That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
