I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
