There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
