I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What a dumb baby whore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How drunk are you?
Completed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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