Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
