The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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