apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
