he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sext me about skeletons
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
