Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
