I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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