I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
