Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
