If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
