She said her name was "party"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I want her autograph on my taint
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
