if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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