At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize