You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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