We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
