Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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