just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
