I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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