You really coming over, don't trick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize