I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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