it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
