I heard we made out
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
