"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
