3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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