Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
