420 ftw
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
