i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
