I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
