whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
