im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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