By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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