when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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