Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
third nipple confirmed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
