I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
