i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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