Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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