planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
