Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
