I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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