She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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