I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
