I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize