It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
