she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
