he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
