I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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